Don't hire sleeping bags nor puffa jackets
Don't sleep in rooms with no windows
Always take an emergency blanket
Beat the mule train
Sit at back of jeep – this is better for jumping
Sit at left side of bus roof in crouched position – this is better for jumping
don't leave your posh flip flops next to the hot springs in the dark
bring a pipe and laxatives
sitting behind bus driver = face of phlegm
don't rub tiger balm on sunburnt nose
don't moisturise the locals, give them itch cream
Don't let Rachael near your stuff
Concentrate on game rules
Apple crumble on the mountain = apples in milky soup
don't cut off your circulation with your hair band/ cause + effect = elephantitis
Don't chase German lesbians after dark
Collect 26 people for bus journey
If you reach your destination alive you are lucky
Mind the goats/ snow leopard – prepare and make yourself big!
Hire Yann to redesign your Nepalese room and move your bed
Don't drive cranes over cliffs
Ensure your bus driver has started puberty before he drives your jeep down the treacherous mountain track
don't ask police silly questions
Always be yourself and keep quiet in large groups
Don't buy cheap gangrene rings
Don't squirt ketchup on the Chinese
Never tell Thai women your real name and address
Always pick up random foreign porters to sing in the wind down the lunar valley
Don't steal apples from old ladies
When the villagers come around dancing lock yourself in your room.
Don't encourage bad tourism by paying people on demand for things you didn't ask for (feet washing, spontaneous dancing, tikka on the forehead, guided tours, random information).
Always question peoples' motives.
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